Tuesday, Jun. 21, 2005 - 8:54 p.m.

I'm not sure that I'm glad that school is actually over. I don't feel relieved at all, and I'm not even startng to relax. I don't know, I feel sort of bitter about it all coming to an end. I know that this is only the end of my grade nine year, but it all feels so sudden. I hope you get what I mean...

Grade Nine. This year has been... I'm not sure it was fun, because it all just went by so fast. All the new friends I have made, it doesn't feel like I know them that well. When I left them today, it felt like I've just started getting to know them. It's very... frustrating. It happened to me last year too. It was all at the end of the year that I really got to know the people I've been around for years. And then I leave them. And start anew.
Well, although I can't really describe how my year has been, since it only seemed like school started a month ago, I can tell you that I've met (and re-met) some great, great people. I'm not sure if they actually think of me as a good friend to them, or an important person to them, but I can say that I say that I do think of them as the most valuable people in my life next to my family.

It's all been so... bittersweet. See, I live on a short vocabulary and I really can't explain this, but I'll do it the best I can.

I don't know what to do in life. I don't know where my life is going. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I am going to be. I'm sad... I really am. It's all too sudden. And I'm not being over-dramatic here. It hit me today. I seriously don't know what I am going to do with my life! I want a job that I like and has high pay. I want a good life. And it's all so...argh! It's all so frustrating... because I just can't decide! I know I don't have to decide now, but ARGH! I say I don't know what career I want to pursue, and the first thing people ask me is, what do you like. It's that damned question that gets me all burned up inside. Don't they realize that the reason that I don't know what to be when I grow up is because I can't decide what I like?

...

Today, after the french exam (which I totally blew by the way) Karman, Tracy, Melissa, Emilie and me all went to Jenny's house after a lunch at Pho's. We watched Mean Girls (very original) and then we played Monopoly. Do you understand, that Monopoly is just like the game of life? You gain money, you lose money. That's when it hit me. I graduated grade nine. I'm one step closer to university. I'm one step closer to getting a job, having a family, and dealing with everything our parents deal with. And at that point... I just couldn't believe it. I just couldn't. I was keeping this all in though... you know, not to ruin the mood of everyone. Oh, I told Karman though. That's when I started losing money. -____- And I am scared, because is... is this what's going to happen to me in real life? Having to suffer the consquences of your decisions, having to even make decisions as big as these?

The answer is yes of course. But think about it.

previous - next

Joined Fanlistings